Life as I know it - 131116

So, I thought we were breaking up earlier. It was one of those moments when it feels like everything against us and we kind of lose hope for a while, but instead, something else happened. You told me you loved me and that you don't want to give up and then said you could visit me in the summer. You really actually could visit me. You can afford it if we split the hotel cost. I don't have to argue with my mom about visiting you instead. I don't have to wonder if we are ever going to actually meet, because we are. In a few months, my dream will come true. I have wanted this moment to happen for so so long, but I never thought it would actually come. You are 100% visiting. You, the man I have loved for a year and a half, the man who changed my life, will come to my home town, meet my parents, hold me, kiss me. I will get to kiss you. I will actually get to kiss you. I have never been happier but at the same time, I have never been more scared in my entire life. I love you so so much but I am scared I will disappoint you. I'm scared it won't work out. What if I choke? I know I get quiet and closed off when I'm nervous and meet people for the first time and you just mean so so much to me. What if I fail you? I can't fail you. I am so fucking scared. I can not lose you. What if I'm not good enough?